Ae Jazba-e-Dil

It’s Friday — I’m on the bus to the elementary school I teach at again, and I seem to have become accustomed to writing during this time, propelled by the motion of the bus, which is why we’re here. This week has been quite an assortment — most parts shiny, happy, fluttering delights (I was moved to such tremendous joy on seeing a sparrow up close!!!) and some part doubling over in pain because it is the time of the month when my uterus decides to launch a full-blown attack on my mind and body. I wish I could just write it off as minor PMS symptoms, but from being drenched in inexplicable sorrow one moment to feeling like I can surmount any obstacle life throws my way the next is way too extreme even for someone who was obsessed with road-racing video games as a middle-schooler. Sigh. The only solace is that I know these mood swings are temporary, and I’m usually back to my normal self in a week but even then, it’s always rough. I actually never had such terrible symptoms, which would always make me raise an eyebrow at my fellow menstruating friends when they expressed feelings of inadequacy and existentialism around their period. Not going to lie, I always thought it was a little fake because come on, everyone feels sad on somedays? Why use your period as an excuse? Guess it wasn’t a lie after all. Mental note to self on not being such a stuck-up idiot when people try to express their emotions.

In any case, I ran my first half marathon of the year, and the third of my life. I feel exuberant with joy. It was about 4000 of us running in Fukushima city, and it’s strange how you can feel such a sense of solidarity with people you don’t even know. People were cheering for us at every corner, waving, holding up posters, clapping. I ran the first eleven kilometers with no music because I didn’t feel the need for it at all, which is a big deal for me because I think I usually rely on music heavily to get me through my runs. The tempo helps, and it distracts you from how tired your body starts to get. But tiny kids saying Ganbare is more magical than Patakha Guddi on high volume. I’ll admit it though, the final three kilometers were quite difficult, and I definitely walked at least 700 meters but my overall pace was still about 6:30 to a kilometer which I’m quite impressed by. I want to be able to run a half marathon at 6 minutes/kilometer, and having this new goal feels very exciting. Adjusting one’s goals — realizing that there’s always more to reach for, even if it’s only the slightest alteration — is such a wonderful feeling. Reminds me of Nayyara Noor’s Ae Jazba-e-Dil, “Jab saamne manzil aa jaye/ Uss waqt mujhe bhatka dena” (Let me go astray/ when my destination is a step away). Because samne manzil aa jaati hai to itna extra guroor bhi aa jaata hai, isiliye better to perceive manzil as an ever-changing abstraction than a fixed point. But milestones are always good.

Another highlight of this week was making an official presentation in Japanese and while I was obviously a jittery, sweaty mess, I’m also really grateful for the opportunity. I swear I practiced how to pronounce ‘negative’ in Japanese (which is essentially the same word, but rewritten in the Japanese phonetic system which makes it sound like negatibu) fifty times, but I’m pretty sure I still didn’t get it right. I need to re-register myself for the Dogen phonetics course. Sharing the link here in case anyone’s interested: https://www.patreon.com/dogen/about?

I cannot emphasize the importance of phonetics in language learning, and it’s so strange to me that we barely talking about it in Japanese language classes. No one taught me pitch accent when I was learning Japanese, which is really interesting if you think about it because when we learn English, we’re obsessed with pronunciation but I think the assumption with Japanese is that because other aspects like kanji and grammar are so difficult, and because Japanese is generally considered to be flat (it isn’t — it’s not intonational like Chinese, but it is definitely not flat either), there isn’t enough time to focus on enunciation? It’s not like I’m a Japanese pro but I love the language with all my heart, which is why I’m taking the liberty to share these non-nuanced opinions. As a linguistics student, I should probably spend more time trying to research this but I don’t have the motivation. I do, however, make sure that these aspects are adequately accounted for when I teach Japanese to my elementary school students.

Before I sign off, I have to say just how much I enjoyed my morning coffee today. It was pathetically sweet, like I like my coffee to be, and I drank it with a melty cheese and tuna sandwich. Tuna, by the way, is apparently also called ‘sea chicken’ which is unfair to tuna because chicken isn’t called ‘land tuna’. I love my butter chicken but I think tuna deserves more attention so I’d advocate for ‘land tuna’. But I guess that coinage is probably based on ubiquity than quality. Meh. Anyhow, it was such a peaceful twenty minutes. I was listening to Mere Mehboob Mere Sanam, gazing into the sweet city that Sendai is and feeling grateful about how I slept nearly uninterrupted for seven hours. What a blessed life.

PS: Full moon day today!! AAAAAAAAA!!! Time for me to play my chaand songs on repeat. And eat mochi.