Shrimp sandwich: Marvel or Oddity?

It’s barely midday, and I already feel like a month has passed. I think no amount of strong coffee and intensive workouts can compensate for nightmare-ensnared nights, but fortunately for me, I’m no novice at this so I can find ways to keep myself regulated. I started my day with unwinding, listening to voice notes from a friend (voice notes bring me incomparable joy — I used to be the kind of person who would strive for perfection in her writing, but lately, I find myself easing into the organic, unedited versions of life) and brewing coffee. Mostly what helps me stay rooted is routine, so after praying, I did in fact head to the gym and unexpectedly ended up having a very productive leg day. I started exercising seriously a little over a year ago, but I’ve not really been conscious in my approach and in my goals. I do not want to exercise to fit into a norm because that defeats the point of any pursuit. I am very aware, though, of the fact that some of my will to exercise comes from spite. I despised sports in school, often feeling bullied, and developed a very unhealthy relationship with my body in college, surviving on midnight maggi treats and drinking more beer than I should have. I don’t think I will ever be able to achieve a complete sense of security in terms of my relationship with food and my body, but practicing gratitude, having supportive friends and pushing myself to exercise (I don’t think it’s pushing any longer; it has slowly evolved to become, literally, an exercise in joy) has at least helped me reach a stage where I’m able to allow myself guilt free indulgences, while also acknowledging the nutritional value of what I choose to put into my body. It feels amazing, truly! I look forward to all my meals, even enjoy cooking. My digestive system seems to have fixed itself (though that, I’m sure, has much to do with natto. I know how capitalism makes health into a sellable product but trust me, some superfoods are real).

(The man sitting across from me in the train has the most beautiful bee brooch on his navy blue-grayish sweater. He wears a hat and carries a bag of sweets. I find his presence against Sendai’s moving scenery so endearing.)

In the last six months, I’ve spent so many hours in this train from Sendai to Fukushima and back. While it seemed long and tiring in the beginning, I’ve developed an affinity for the Joban line now: I look forward to these train rides so much, never tiring of the same scenery (one can argue though, that the scenery is never really the same). I always bring myself a snack or a book to read, even though I’m mostly napping. Writing on trains is also charming, and even if I can’t be my most articulate self, I do think this is a good time to make lists of Marvels & Oddities (again, idea borrowed from the S.K. Ali book). Which brings me to how it is so nice to acknowledge where we get our ideas from. I’m trying to do it very consciously these days, whether it is a phrase or a thought that led to a thought. It reminds me of the interconnectedness of everything and helps me get over the idea of my own feigned independence (I am, unfortunately, obsessed with the idea of ziddi independence and correlate it to freedom in ways that don’t acknowledge how my communities and relationships constantly shape me). So yes, maybe I’ll use train rides as Marvels & Oddities sessions, letting myself marvel at the marvels and feel odd about the oddities.

I’ll return to my shrimp sandwich now. I wonder if it’ll qualify as a marvel or an oddity.